Fatty Arbuckle: Knocked Up?

Fatty Arbuckle has been removed to a birthing center amid suspicions that she is pregnant, tank officials revealed late Monday.

"Signs that were first noticed a week ago have become increasingly apparent," said an unnamed tank official. "We now believe that Fatty could give birth at any moment."

Among the tell-tale signs of imminent child-bearing: the great increase in weight over the past week. Another sign is the black coloration near the birth canal, which usually appears only when birth is imminent. The final, and most definitive evidence of pregnancy, is the way Fatty started swimming at a 45 degree angle late today.

"When a fish swims vertically, you know there is pressure on the swim bladder that normally helps a fish keep its balance in the water," said the tank master. "The bladder undergoes tremendous pressure when a fish is late in her term."

Fatty's owner, Cari Heelan, first reported unusual weight gain in the fish a week ago. Such a thing is difficult to notice given the already bulbous appearance of the balloon-belly molly. It was the vertical swimming that caused officials to isolate Fatty today.

Orangejello was forced to vacate his isolation cage for his old net crib so that the glass crib could be made ready for Fatty. A special separator has been added to the glass enclosure so that newborn fry will fall into a separate compartment on birth, hopefully preventing their mother from eating them.

Tank security is at an all-time high, and the tension is palpable as we await word of the potential births.

"We have numerous concerns tonight," said the tank master. "First and foremost, our concern is for Fatty, who is now in very tight quarters. Second, we worry for her possible babies. Will they be born safely? Will they escape their mother's jaws? Finally, we worry for Orangejello, who has now been moved to less secure quarters."

It was only a few weeks ago that Orangejello was removed from the net crib to the impeneterable safety of the glass enclosure. Frank the Frog was caught attempting to enter the net crib several times. Officials, fearing bolder assassination attempts in the future, removed the baby platy to a safer place.

A paper top was added to the top of the net crib tonight, but Orangejello's grandmother, Corey Smith, remains concerned.

"I sure hope that frog doesn't get any ideas," Smith said. "I can't stand to think about what he might do to my precious grandbaby."

Officials are monitoring the progress of Fatty's apparent pregnancy, confident that the event could take place at any time. Stay tuned to this blog for updates ...



Orangejello had earlie