‘We are in wait-and-see mode’

Three days into the balloon molly pregnancy watch that has gripped the nation, tankkeeper stepped before reporters’ microphones this morning to answer questions in the hopes of dispelling rumors and allaying fears.

What follows is a transcript of Tankkeeper’s comments:

Reporter: What can you tell us about Fatty’s current condition?
TK: She is stable and comfortable. Her condition really has not changed since her admittance here on Monday.

Reporter: Is anyone consulting with you on the possible pregnancy?
TK: We are in constant contact with area fish experts, and the precautions we are now taking are all being done at their recommendations.

Reporter: People have been expressing concern about Fatty’s food, which floats to the bottom of the isolation tank. Is she getting enough to eat?
TK: Yes, Fatty’s nutritional needs are being met. We monitor her food intake at each feeding to ensure she’s not starving herself.

Reporter: Several fish experts we talked with said this could just as easily be a case of stomach worms. Are you considering that possibility?
TK: Of course. We are keeping all options close right now, but there is nothing we have seen to indicate that this is anything but a pregnancy.

Reporter: Talk to us about Fatty’s stress level.
TK: She is comfortable and calm in her isolation tank. Stress has been a concern as it is a major cause of Ick, but so far we have not seen any significant signs of stress.

Reporter: How many days will you keep Fatty in isolation before you re-evaluate the pregnancy theory?
TK: To be honest, we are not sure. We are in wait-and-see mode right now, and our opinion is based on the condition of the fish. If we come to believe that the birth event is not imminent, we will certainly release Fatty back into the general population.

Reporter: It seems that this entire affair has been riddled by guesswork. Why isn’t this more of a science?
TK: Fish have babies every day, but the means for determining when a mother is imminently due is no science at all. Unfortunately, guesswork is really all you have to go by. We can look at the signs, and from those we can take steps to try to anticipate a birth event. But in the end, it all comes down to Fatty. When she’s ready, the babies will come. It’s as simple as that. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some work to do. Thanks for your questions. We will keep you updated as we get new information.

The public thirst for information during this pregnancy watch has reached a peak as the waiting goes on and on.

“Mark my words, this Fatty Arbuckle case is something people are going to be talking about for years to come,” said one fish watcher. “For one little fish, at least, this has been the trial of the century.”