FALSE PREGNANCY!

It was a mystery, wrapped inside a riddle, inside an enigma, but now the truth can be revealed, dear readers. Fatty Arbuckle was NOT pregnant!

The balloon-bellied molly that had been the subject to intense media attention ever since her move to an isolation tank on Monday, has been released back into the general population of the community aquarium.

"I must say I feel kind of cheated, kind of like when I thought Scully and Mulder were going to get married but then they didn't," confessed fishwatcher Tracy Benbrook, who took a break from video gaming on Saturday to reflect on what might have been. "We ought to be at Petsmart, picking out little collars for the baby fish. But no! Instead we have a whole lot of nothing."

Tank officials conceded late Thursday that the signs of pregnance were subjective and, as it turns out, unreliable.

"We regret the public's disappointment in the outcome but we absolutely took the right steps," TankKeeper said during a press conference on Friday morning. "Given what we knew at the time, separating Fatty was the only way to ensure a happy outcome in the event of a live birth."
Fatty is reportedly none the worse given her brush with pregancy and the press. She is back to wobbling about as she always did, ever pursued by Knuckles McGee and other would-be suitors who now seem impotent in comparison to the kind of fish that gave us Orangejello.

"I am not one to spread rumors," said Bobby Kurtz, "but there is some talk that Fatty may simply be too high-born to bear children. There are some mountains so majestic that no brave fish dare climb. I think that could be the case here."