Gozer dead:Baby molly remembered as an 'angel';aquarium sealed for official day of mourning

Gozer, the plucky runt of our community aquarium, died today in the net crib he shared with four other baby fish. Tank officials were unable to determine an exact cause of death, but it mattered little to a community that has once again been plunged into mourning.

Aquarium officials have sealed the entire aquarium for the rest of the day so that an official day of mourning can be observed in peace. Black crepe enveloped the entire tank, and a sign posted by tank officials read: "We're sorry. The aquarium is closed today due to a death in the family. Gozer: "Good night, sweet prince." Aug. 3 - Oct. 24, 2005." All tank events have been suspended for the remainder of the day.

"We feel this loss most keenly," said TankKeeper in a hastily arranged press conference. "Gozer was one of the better angels of our nature, and we are today a people in pain. When something like this happens, it makes you question everything you think you know. The world is not as safe and snug as it was yesterday."

It was on Oct. 13, a mere week and a half ago, that Gozer's mother was cruelly murdered by her husband, Knuckles McGee.

"It makes me cry to think of his last week alive," said one mourner who was part of a tank-side vigil this morning.

"Poor little Gozer was dealing with the loss of one parent and the imprisonment of another. Now he's gone. It's just so sad, like something Aeschylus would have written."

'They Draw the Lightning'
Again for the family of Fatty Arbuckle, the terrible news came, stunning a family already numbed by grief. Kevin Ness, who gave Gozer his name, was filled with anger at the latest tragedy.

"I will not rest until his killer is put to death," Ness said. "Oh, wait. I'm against the death penalty. I will not rest until his killer knows that I am very, very angry right now!"

Cari Heelan, who owned Fatty and Gozer, is said to be sleeping comfortably after downing a fistful of barbituates.

"When it comes to tragedy, this family has had its fair share," said one fish-watcher. "They draw the lightning."

Capital city filled with conspiracy talk
Lacking an official cause of death, the capital city soon overflowed with talk of conspiracy.

"It was the McGee vendetta," said one fish-watcher. "Knuckles has friends in high places, and apparently they weren't too happy about his recent sentencing. Poor Gozer was an obvious target who now has fallen due to the long, long reach of Knuckles McGee."

Other fish-watchers recall the injury Gozer suffered during a botched release attempt on Oct. 7.

"They say he had internal bleeding after his near-death experience in the big tank," speculated one fish-watcher. "The doctors kept it quiet because they knew there was nothing they could do, but the bleeding is what finished him off in the end."

'He lived life to the fullest'
Beyond the speculation, a gulf of grief remains for those who knew Gozer well.

"He was a runt, and I loved him," said Lollipop, who shared the crib with Gozer. "He knew he probably wasn't ever going to be strong enough to live in the big tank, but he lived life to the fullest. I sure am going to miss him.'

Orangejello is said to be in seclusion. His agent declined to comment but issued a statement that said the superstar fish will not be honoring any concert commitments this week out of respect to his friend Gozer.

Gozer's body was cremated as soon as it was removed from the aquarium, and his ashes were scattered over the final resting place of his mother, Fatty Arbuckle.

"He loved his family so much," said a fish-watcher who often saw Gozer and Fatty together. "Now they are in a place where no harm can come to them."

Chubby Arbuckle, Gozer's younger brother who was born moments before their mother's death, is said to be bearing up well.

"I have come to believe, now more than ever, that when fish die they really do live on through the fish who love them," said Chubby in a statement released today.

We at Freshwater Adventures invite you to share your thoughts about the life and death of Gozer by commenting to this post.