Tetra reveals her irrational fear of hurricane

Two Fish, our smallest neon tetra, today revealed her complete, and completely irrational, fear of Hurricane Wilma, which is now being tracked off the eastern seaboard.

"They say the hurricane could intensify as it reaches land," the trembling neon tetra confided to passersby on Wednesday. "This could be another Hurricane Rita or, God forbid, another Hurricane Katrina."

Fish and fish-watchers are doing their best to put Two Fish's mind at ease.

"You have nothing to fear, Two Fish," said one concerned fish. "Our aquarium is in Kansas, and this storm is headed for Florida."

"I know," said Two Fish. "Fortunately, I'm prepared. I've been stockpiling batteries and bottled water for days."

Lucas the silver dollar paid a visit to the little neon and tried to talk some sense into her.

"You understand there's no way this hurricane can get to you, right?" Lucas asked. "You're safe here in land-locked Kansas."

Two Fish, who was busily placing her cherished family photo albums into a waterproof container, stopped packing long enough to explain her fears to the silver dollar.

"You don't understand," Two Fish said. "People everywhere are taking cover. CNN even has a logo designed for this hurricane. Last time they did that, all hell broke loose. If you were smart, you'd be doing everything you can to prepare for Hurricane Wilma."

Concerned fish-watchers suggest that this might be a good time to impose limitations on the amount of cable TV that our fish can watch.

"This has gotten out of hand," said concerned fish-watcher Matt Brummett. "I mean, this little fish has become shell-shocked by hurricane coverage. Next thing you know, our fish are going to want to become TV stars themselves. When will it end - with 'Fish Eye for the Straight Guy,' I suppose? It's madness."

Hurricane Wilma could intensify by the time it reaches Florida Sunday night. Two Fish could be dead of a panic attack long before then.