TankKeeper missing, feared deadSearch goes on despite total lack of interest

TankKeeper, the gentleman who for the past year has ceaselessly cared for our community aquarium fish, is feared dead tonight after having gone missing two weeks ago.

Officials are continuing a nationwide search for TankKeeper, but sources close to the investigation say it's a search in name only.

"He's dead sure as I'm standing here talking to you," said Rusty Tuttwater, city clerk. "He hasn't been seen or heard from since his last press conference on Dec. 29. Trust me, the dude ain't in the union no more."

Speculation has centered around the mysterious plague that was at its height when TankKeeper last appeared on Thursday, Dec. 29.

"This is just so unlike him," said one mildly concerned fish watcher. "He really loved the fish and had a real feel for the aquarium. It's terrible not to know what has become of him."

A few fish-watchers are holding out hope for TankKeeper's safe return.

"We heard that he went and got himself one of those liquid educations," said a fish-watcher who refused to be identified. "That could explain why we haven't seen him in about two weeks."