Cheney shoots fish during visit to Baltimore

Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fish during a brief visit to the Baltimore aquarium today. The first reports suggest that the fish was seriously wounded by the shooting.

"It appears as though the fish did something to displease America's vice president," said Nancy Waters, managing director of the aquarium. "One minute everything was fine. The next moment, Cheney just pulled out his nine and capped that poor fish."

Secret Service agents secured the fish and transported him to a nearby animal hospital. Cheney was whisked off to a secure location where he could be examined for signs of trauma.

White House officials refused to comment on the incident, but the conspiracy theories have already reached the fish of our community aquarium.

"That fish knew something," said Jan, one of the young sunburst platys known collectively as the Platy Bunch. "It must have posed some kind of threat to the vice president or the administration or it wouldn't have been harmed. There's something mighty fishy going on here."