Soendker resignation leaves fish non-plussed

When he departed the company on Friday, there was barely a whisp of acknowledgement from the fish in our community freshwater aquarium.

"Steven who?" asked one incredulous tetra. "Never heard of the dude."

Having join the company more than a year earlier, Soendker quickly earned a reputation for having a good head on his shoulders. Unfortunately for him, he also became the butt of many jokes.

"He was such an easy target," said George the Silver Dollar. "Everything about him just cried out for comedy, especially the way he used to dress himself like a colorblind third grader. It was hilarious."

Most of our aquarium fish were unaware of Steven's very existence and therefore were hard-pressed to conjure up even a modicum of melancholy when they learned he was leaving.

"I could pretent to care but it really wouldn't change the reality that I don't know him and now don't need to worry about it anymore," said Aubrey, the world's largest molly. "I mean, the dude ain't in the union any more."