Fish wondering when they'llbe offered free doughnuts

A cart filled with fresh doughnuts sped past the community aquarium just as the office was springing to life. The sweet smell of confectionary bliss wafted over the tank, and once again the fish wondered, "Where are our doughnuts?"

In an letter penned anonymously and sent to this newspaper this morning, a fish writer wrote that "the humans are always gorging themselves on such treats as doughnuts and bagles and candy and cake. Where are our treats?"

Another fish called into a morning radio show today with a similar complaint.

"It's a virtual orgy of food here everyday, and those humans are plumping themselves up like Thanksgiving turkeys," said the fish caller. "Meanwhile, what do they feed us? A combination of mayfly eggs, shrimp entrails and dog food residue. There is something wrong with this picture."