Humans ruining goddamned planet, fish declare

Our freshwater fish blame humans for fatally polluting our planet with toxins and trash. The fish took out a full-page ad in publications worldwide this week declaring that man is Earth's No. 1 enemy. The ads, considered incindiary speech by some papers that refused to run them, call upon all animals to rise up against "the oppression of homosapiens."

"How many more years are we going to stand by and watch homo erectus give our planet the shaft?" asked one belligerent molly who refused to be identified. "It is high time we let mankind know in no uncertain terms that their destructive rule of our world is at an end."

Citing recent government reports about the acceleration of global warming's effects on our climate, the fish placed their ads as a first strike against the man. While future plans are being kept under wraps, humans are now said to be monitoring all fish communications for signs of "terroristic chatter."

Aubrey the molly is widely thought to be the fish behind this animal movement.

"Earth has always been her own greatest protector. When one ruling life form threatened the autonomy of this great planet, Mother Nature herself has quickly acted to set things right. That's what we are talking about here. We're talking about taking action to save our dying planet. Is there any greater cause? And who better to take up the cause than the fishes of the world?"