First anniversary goes by with a whimper

There were no parades. No bands. No sheetcakes. The first anniversary of our community aquarium came and went Saturday without so much as a single celebration.

"We discussed having a big celebration and the city planners were enthusiastic at first," said an unnamed tank official. "Then Aubrey died and the whole thing went sour. We just didn't have the heart to celebrate anything after that happened."

Freshwater Adventures has not received a single call or e-mail with regard to the anniversary, so it is assumed that the fish-watching population doesn't care to observe such an occasion.

"Perhaps they feel that it is counter-productive to celebrate our fish on one day when in reality we celebrate them every day," said thought meister William F. Buckley. "I consider it most undignified to offer garish parties and parades for our fish. I think modern fish-watching has gone beyond that."