Video editor kills fish in sad bid for publicity

Tank officials are expected to file charges against video editor Clayton Turrentine (at left) in the death of a fish under his care, Freshwater Adventures has learned.

As an anonymous informant told this reporter today, "We lost either Shillelagh or Shenanigans today (we never knew which was which). The remaining fish is hanging on by a thread."

An unnamed source told this reporter that colleagues suspect that Turrentine killed the fish as a last-ditch effort to see his name in print within this online publication.

"It's really pathetic," the source said. "He had been saying for months that he really wanted to be noticed by the editors of Freshwater Adventures, but nobody saw the warning signs. Now, for one poor fish, it's too late."

Authorities who responded to the scene this afternoon were unable to identify which of the two fish in production had died.

"The body is so battered, and Mr. Turrentine has paid such minimal attention to fish in his care, that we cannot determine the dead fish's identity," said Chief Walleye, lead investigator on the case.

Turrentine remains free as of press time, but officials expect his arrest to come within 24 hours.

"In a way, I suppose our greatest regret is that he got what he wanted," Walleye said. "You're obviously going to write about this, so a fish-killer now gets the spotlight as he always hoped. I don't feel good about that."