Fish come out of the tank

Silver Dollars George and Lucas have announced that they are forming a same-species union and will oppose the proposed ban on same-species marriage.

“We’re here, we have fins, we swim, and we’re comfortable in their skin,” the Silver Dollars said today in a joint statement. “We may not be smart fish, but we know what love is.”

George and Lucas said at a press conference earlier this afternoon they had been secretive about their relationship for years, fearing a backlash from their fellow fish and disappointment from their owner, Wade Sisson.

They said they decided to go public with their affair due to three extraneous reasons: first, Sisson’s departure as TankKeeper freed them from the shame they feared; second, the death of superstar Orangejello in January made them realize how short life in a tank truly can be; and finally, they decided to take a stand against the proposed ban on same-species marriage.

“These factors caused us to embrace the lifestyle we share,” George said. “We’re making a statement – if fish don’t like it, they can drown themselves.”

When reached for comment, Sisson was stunned.

“I had no idea,” Sisson said. “I always thought they were just good friends. Good friends who always spent time together, were close enough and secure enough to hold hands or share the occasional hug, dressed impeccably, kept tidy living spaces, had a shared love of Cher and really loved Halloween. This is quite a surprise.”

The fish’s concerns held little weight.

“I love those guys the same as if they enjoyed opposite-species relations,” Sisson said. “I’d march with them if they had legs. Or could survive exposure to oxygen.”

Reaction from the other members of the tank has been mixed.

“Good for them,” said Frozone. “I always had my suspicions about those two. Quick glances from across the tank, finding them ‘hiding’ behind the filter – it was all a bit suspicious.”

Knuckles McGee-(R), banished from the tank due to poor behavior, is a staunch supporter of the proposed ban on same-species marriage. He called from his current location (the White House freshwater tank) to comment on this turn of events.

“Those two were so obvious,” McGee said. “If I have my way, they won’t even be able to stay in the same tank. Other fish shouldn’t have to share that same water.”

“What a disgusting little fish,” Lucas said. “If he doesn’t like it, he can swim off. Sounds like he’s a little too insecure about this issue to me. Maybe he secretly loves the fin.”