Fish to NASA:What's the deal, gill?

Fish of the community aquarium gathered today to formally express their concern about NASA's decision to launch Space Shuttle Discovery on Tuesday.

"When a space agency waives its own flight rules in order to launch a vehicle, well, one just has to wonder about the managerial structure of that organization," said Frank the Frog.

Among the critters' biggest concerns are the seven human lives at risk on the shuttle, which suffered damage to heat-shield tiles during launch.

"For an organization to take such risks is outrageous," said Leia, leader of the fish alliance against bad government decisions. "They have already lost two shuttles and two crews to bad decision-making, and now they risk losing a third. Not exactly a stellar track record, now is it?"

The fish sent a letter of complaint to their local congressmen, urging that the government form an independent review panel to approve all future spacecraft launches.

"The days of crossing their fingers and hitting the launch button should be over," Frank said, "but sadly, that is still very much the way things are done down there at NASA. We mean to change that, and with Congress's help, we shall."

FALSE PREGNANCY!

It was a mystery, wrapped inside a riddle, inside an enigma, but now the truth can be revealed, dear readers. Fatty Arbuckle was NOT pregnant!

The balloon-bellied molly that had been the subject to intense media attention ever since her move to an isolation tank on Monday, has been released back into the general population of the community aquarium.

"I must say I feel kind of cheated, kind of like when I thought Scully and Mulder were going to get married but then they didn't," confessed fishwatcher Tracy Benbrook, who took a break from video gaming on Saturday to reflect on what might have been. "We ought to be at Petsmart, picking out little collars for the baby fish. But no! Instead we have a whole lot of nothing."

Tank officials conceded late Thursday that the signs of pregnance were subjective and, as it turns out, unreliable.

"We regret the public's disappointment in the outcome but we absolutely took the right steps," TankKeeper said during a press conference on Friday morning. "Given what we knew at the time, separating Fatty was the only way to ensure a happy outcome in the event of a live birth."
Fatty is reportedly none the worse given her brush with pregancy and the press. She is back to wobbling about as she always did, ever pursued by Knuckles McGee and other would-be suitors who now seem impotent in comparison to the kind of fish that gave us Orangejello.

"I am not one to spread rumors," said Bobby Kurtz, "but there is some talk that Fatty may simply be too high-born to bear children. There are some mountains so majestic that no brave fish dare climb. I think that could be the case here."

‘We are in wait-and-see mode’

Three days into the balloon molly pregnancy watch that has gripped the nation, tankkeeper stepped before reporters’ microphones this morning to answer questions in the hopes of dispelling rumors and allaying fears.

What follows is a transcript of Tankkeeper’s comments:

Reporter: What can you tell us about Fatty’s current condition?
TK: She is stable and comfortable. Her condition really has not changed since her admittance here on Monday.

Reporter: Is anyone consulting with you on the possible pregnancy?
TK: We are in constant contact with area fish experts, and the precautions we are now taking are all being done at their recommendations.

Reporter: People have been expressing concern about Fatty’s food, which floats to the bottom of the isolation tank. Is she getting enough to eat?
TK: Yes, Fatty’s nutritional needs are being met. We monitor her food intake at each feeding to ensure she’s not starving herself.

Reporter: Several fish experts we talked with said this could just as easily be a case of stomach worms. Are you considering that possibility?
TK: Of course. We are keeping all options close right now, but there is nothing we have seen to indicate that this is anything but a pregnancy.

Reporter: Talk to us about Fatty’s stress level.
TK: She is comfortable and calm in her isolation tank. Stress has been a concern as it is a major cause of Ick, but so far we have not seen any significant signs of stress.

Reporter: How many days will you keep Fatty in isolation before you re-evaluate the pregnancy theory?
TK: To be honest, we are not sure. We are in wait-and-see mode right now, and our opinion is based on the condition of the fish. If we come to believe that the birth event is not imminent, we will certainly release Fatty back into the general population.

Reporter: It seems that this entire affair has been riddled by guesswork. Why isn’t this more of a science?
TK: Fish have babies every day, but the means for determining when a mother is imminently due is no science at all. Unfortunately, guesswork is really all you have to go by. We can look at the signs, and from those we can take steps to try to anticipate a birth event. But in the end, it all comes down to Fatty. When she’s ready, the babies will come. It’s as simple as that. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some work to do. Thanks for your questions. We will keep you updated as we get new information.

The public thirst for information during this pregnancy watch has reached a peak as the waiting goes on and on.

“Mark my words, this Fatty Arbuckle case is something people are going to be talking about for years to come,” said one fish watcher. “For one little fish, at least, this has been the trial of the century.”

Day Two: BabyWatch Continues

Fatty Arbuckle remained under close surveillance at a mid-aquarium birthing facility this afternoon, but no fry have been confirmed born at this hour.

Earlier reports of a fry swimming in the birthing room could not be confirmed, and no visible change in Fatty's condition has been noted since her admittance yesterday afternoon.

"We remain hopeful that she will be giving birth soon," said the tankkeeper. "We are ready to welcome new young ones to our community aquarium."

Meanwhile, across tank, Orangejello remained in his old net crib, which had a paper roof added to its above-water top last night to ensure he would remain out of predator's reach.

Fatty Arbuckle: Knocked Up?

Fatty Arbuckle has been removed to a birthing center amid suspicions that she is pregnant, tank officials revealed late Monday.

"Signs that were first noticed a week ago have become increasingly apparent," said an unnamed tank official. "We now believe that Fatty could give birth at any moment."

Among the tell-tale signs of imminent child-bearing: the great increase in weight over the past week. Another sign is the black coloration near the birth canal, which usually appears only when birth is imminent. The final, and most definitive evidence of pregnancy, is the way Fatty started swimming at a 45 degree angle late today.

"When a fish swims vertically, you know there is pressure on the swim bladder that normally helps a fish keep its balance in the water," said the tank master. "The bladder undergoes tremendous pressure when a fish is late in her term."

Fatty's owner, Cari Heelan, first reported unusual weight gain in the fish a week ago. Such a thing is difficult to notice given the already bulbous appearance of the balloon-belly molly. It was the vertical swimming that caused officials to isolate Fatty today.

Orangejello was forced to vacate his isolation cage for his old net crib so that the glass crib could be made ready for Fatty. A special separator has been added to the glass enclosure so that newborn fry will fall into a separate compartment on birth, hopefully preventing their mother from eating them.

Tank security is at an all-time high, and the tension is palpable as we await word of the potential births.

"We have numerous concerns tonight," said the tank master. "First and foremost, our concern is for Fatty, who is now in very tight quarters. Second, we worry for her possible babies. Will they be born safely? Will they escape their mother's jaws? Finally, we worry for Orangejello, who has now been moved to less secure quarters."

It was only a few weeks ago that Orangejello was removed from the net crib to the impeneterable safety of the glass enclosure. Frank the Frog was caught attempting to enter the net crib several times. Officials, fearing bolder assassination attempts in the future, removed the baby platy to a safer place.

A paper top was added to the top of the net crib tonight, but Orangejello's grandmother, Corey Smith, remains concerned.

"I sure hope that frog doesn't get any ideas," Smith said. "I can't stand to think about what he might do to my precious grandbaby."

Officials are monitoring the progress of Fatty's apparent pregnancy, confident that the event could take place at any time. Stay tuned to this blog for updates ...



Orangejello had earlie

John Wayne Platy is in the hizzouse!

A serial killer may be the culprit in a string of neon tetra disappearances that have plagued our aquarium this month, aquarium authorities revealed in a press conference this morning.

"We have reason to believe that a platy serial killer has been preying on the numerous neon tetras that have been reported missing during the past few weeks," said Police Chief Andy Guppy. "We are asking for the public's help in solving these crimes. If you have any information, please swim to the nearest station and file a report."

Fear has swept through the tetra schooling community ever since the first neon tetra was discovered dead a week ago. A population that once grew to seven neon tetras is now reduced to three survivors.

"We fear that this individual, this predatory fish, is not going to stop until all small schooling fish are gone."

The police chief warned that all tetras and danios should be alert and take extra precautions to be safe. As a precaution, additional security measures have been taken in and around the crib to safeguard Orangejello.

Welcome, first-time visitors!

If you have never before visited our blog, you have been missing the boat big-time. Here you can learn all about our freshwater adventures in the community aquarium. We started this blog back in May, so if you are new here you have a lot of catching up to do. A lot of fish have come and gone since this blog was launched. There are many fish in the tank, each full of stories. We intend to tell them all. Come on in! The water's fine.

Our little baby is growing up!

Orangejello is growing bigger each day, as visitors to the community aquarium are noting more frequently now that the baby fry's markings are distinct.

The little platy, once the size of a speck of dust, is now moving toward lint-ball size. His little Mickey Mouse ear markings, so faint at birth, are now readily apparent at the base of his tail.

Growing, but not yet grown, the little fish continues to live in the isolation of his crib, safe from the predatory fish and frog who would eat him if given half a chance.

It is not known when Orangejello will be released into the aquarium proper. For now, he seems content in his plastic showcase floating at surface level.

"I just love him so much," gushed a tearful mommy, Corey Smith, of her devoted little fry.

The Great Neon Tetra Debate

Where have all the tetras gone? On Friday we had seven. By Monday we had only four. Something very sinister is going on here. We may have to kill the big black Molly and do an autopsy to see if the neon corpses are within the big belly of the suspect Molly.

Ghost shrimp, indeed

Our friends the ghost shrimp, added to the aquarium on Wednesday, were pretty much gone by Friday. The small, translucent shrimp are easy pickings for virtually any community fish that swims along. By today, we could only find one living ghost shrimp hiding in statuary.

A lot to report

It's been a busy week in the community aquarium. Kevin Ness introduced a pair of albino paradisefish to our tank. The paradisefish is a cousin of the gourami. Speaking of which, we lost a red dwarf gourami this week. We also lost a beta. Wade had introduced a dozen tiny ghost shrimp, which are cool but hard to see. Sadly, most were instantly devoured by pigs like the big black Molly owned by Terri. Imagine our horror at the carnage.

Look at me, I'm Knuckles McGee

He is often seen shadowing the larger of his kind. In the shadows. Mysterious. Today we take the veil off one of our lesser-known fish.

Meet Knuckles McGee, the smaller of our Dalmation mollies. Knuckles, as his name suggests, is a bit of a bully. He gets his confidence from the protection of the very large Dalmation molly that is constantly at his side.

"He/She seems to be bit of a bully," said the fish's owner, the aptly named Guy Fish. "Either that or Knuckles is just very friendly but does not know how to express himself in a way the other fish can relate to."

Yeah, right.

Orangejello gets safer CRIB

Orangejello was placed in a sealed, self-contained fry unit on Tuesday night to put an end to Frank the frog's frequent attacks on the small fry. Frank had been seen climbing up the side of the old net-style fry unit in an ongoing attempt to assassinate the baby platy.

Now we can rest easy knowing that everyone's favorite baby fish is safe and sound.

TERROR ALERT RED: Frog attempts to assassinate Orangejello

Newborn fish OrangeJello is now under federal protection following several assassination attempts by Frank the Frog.

OrangeJello, the tank superstar ever since his birth two weeks ago, was swimming in his crib when the frog began crawling up the side. The tank's new water level would make it very easy for the dastardly amphibian to enter the crib and eat the baby fish.

But we aren't having it!

"I am not going to stand by and watch my baby be eaten by a toad," said a clearly agitated Corey Smith, who is Orangejello's maternal grandmother one species removed. "I will bury that frog myself before I let that happen."

The tankmaster is going to search for a more fortified crib for our baby fish. Frog-proof, if possible. Stay tuned ...

Aquarium gains new fish!

Our freshly cleaned community aquarium gained eight new residents today. Four neon tetras, owned by Jennifer Brown, were added to the community and instantly bonded with the initial pair of neons, owned by Cari Heelan. These new neons have irridescent green stripes, while the original pair have dark blue stripes.

Wade added a pair of silver dollars, named George and Lucas. They will grow to nice size and should have no trouble getting along with the other members of the tank. A few of the more dominant mollies took note but so far, no trouble.

Finally, Eric Bowlin added a pair of black-tipped sharks to replace the catfish he lost two months ago. Both are in fine swimming shape and appear to have bonded as well.

"I'm not pregnant! I'm just big-gilled"

Maybe it's the name. Or the slow, method movement. Or, let's face it, the body shaped like a bowl.
Whatever the cause, Fatty Arbuckle the molly has been victim of at least five false pregnancies during her time in our community aquarium.
"I'm not pregnant, damnit," Fatty said during a press conference on Tuesday. "I'm just big-gilled."
The rumors started in May, soon after the little fish with the bulbous belly joined our tank.
"Some loud-mouth platty had to go and blab that I was with fry," blubbered Fatty. "And I was all, 'Yeah, well we all know there ain't no bigger whores in this tank than you plattys. So put that in your nest and bubble it.'"
Obviously a source of irritation to Fatty, the rumors persisted. At this point, the yellow fish with the distinctive black markings is content to let sleeping dogs lie.
"They can say whatever they want, but I know the truth," said a defiant Fatty. "Sticks and stones, man. Sticks and stones."

Aquarium gets cleaned top to bottom

In a daring move that required five full hours to complete, the tankmaster removed all fish and objects from the aquarium and did a complete water change and cleaning. The result -- a tank that is as clear as a supermodel's complexion.

The blue backdrop was removed as part of the cleaning, allowing fish owners and guests to see all fish better -- especially in nearly invisible pair of glass catfish.

Catching all the critters was a chore. Frank the frog managed to jump free of the dipnet and was chased around the entryway for a few minutes before he was safely captured. The tiger loaches refused to leave their refuge inside the Parthenon, so the huge decoration was added to a bowl with the rest of the fish during the arduous cleaning process.

Cannibal mother commits fishicide; guilt-ridden over baby breakfast

Overcome by guilt, Orangejello's mother committed suicide over the holiday weekend.

"I'm so ashamed of what I did," wrote the anguished Platy in a note discovered after her death. "I ate my babies for breakfast. What kind of mother am I? I would have eaten Orangejello, too, but I couldn't get to him before he was removed from the tank."

The mother's body was discovered Saturday by an alert worker and removed from the aquarium. There will be no funeral, and the mother has already been sent to hell where she will swim for all eternity in a river of blood and her own babies severed heads.

"What she did isn't that uncommon in the fish world, but that doesn't make it right," said an acquaintance. "She's lucky she didn't stand trial because she would have been fried for sure."

The Shame of No Name

Several of our fish have no name, a fact that saddens us endlessly. How are we to write about - or admire - our fine finned friends if they have no name, no moniker to speak of or herald in times of celebration?

The owners of these fish should be ASHAMED because no-name fish is the secret shame (secret no more) of our community aquarium. What are we to make of these un-named creatures swimming about alongside fish and frog of fine name and pedigree?

Owners, we beseech thee to name thy fish and honor thy duty to community and company.